Freedom

I used to think i have all the freedom in the world to do whatever i want to do.
but recently, i've thought elsewise....
I'm not sure if people ever feel this way or is it only me rotting away.

I've always had freedom, even as a child, my parents let me do what i want to do and rarely give me shit about it.
Ever since i moved to KL, i was on my own (in a way or the other)..... I needed to manage my time, expenses, agenda ... etc..etc... etc..

It was time i became an independant woman. From being madly in love not thinking about my own future but how i could blend to "his" to being a lost soul finding myself. Being single was different after the long term relationship i had. In a way i was 100% free. I was not attached, had no parents to monitor me, get drunk with no sense of guilt that mom/dad will kill me and a place of my own (well technically Meng is sharing the place with me)

Suddenly it hit me, having the freedom means no freedom at all. Having more responsibilities means more shit to handle. I didn't have to worry about rental in the past, or petrol, or even travel expenses.. all i needed to do was strech out my hands to ask from daddy or mommy.

My life has changed. I'm changed. I don't know if i should like it or not. Part of me loves it and the other hates it.

Work sux... thats a given. It gets really irritating when i work with people that are plain IDIOTS and you wonder..is life fair? Idiots get paid 2-3 times more than me and work less.

College is getting stressful too. 4 times a week? Assignments, classes, monotonous lecturers...blah blah... Maybe it's because i'm tired from work at class i get tired too.

Capoeira is the one thing that i really loved doing and *&^$#$%&^*& i don't have time to go. Because of my missing in action in class, i worry my instructor and family there think of me wrongly. I worry they feel i am not interested anymore and i am not turning up. But i had to choose. It was ditching one for a while and i don't have much options.

Work - given fact that i need the money. I'm broke with a lot of debts i'm unable to pay
Study- another given fact since i have no proper qualifications
Capoeira - my love, my joy, my life... i needed to let you go.. :( Hence i've gained 5 kilos now

So I'm a girl with freedom that doesn't have it thanks to her schedule. I wish i was like some of my friends who wakes up and do whatever they want to do. At least for a month or two. PleasE?

Time to go missing for abit to brainstorm a plan to make money or save money.